South Shore Camino, Day Four: Hubbards to Upper Tantallon

I’m sitting in a used bookstore/café with Seamus (pictured above) in Upper Tantallon, Nova Scotia. This is the end of our walk, although tomorrow we’re going on a day hike. The trail continues into Halifax, but our feet will no longer be trudging along it.

We walked together this morning to Queensland Beach, talking quietly about life’s twists and turns—not unlike the winding coast road we were following. Such metaphors might be lazy, or maybe they’re unavoidable. Perhaps my writer friends can weigh in on that question. We stopped for a group photo in the fog, then we carried on towards the trail on the rough shoulder of the road, where the fist-sized rocks reminded me of country roads in Spain. I was in a group at the head of the line of walkers, and somehow we missed the turn and had to retrace our steps, adding a kilometre to the journey.

We finally found our way. I felt a need to stretch my legs and walk at a quicker pace, and soon I was alone on the path. I thought about the contradiction between my desire for connection and community, which reflects my complicated relationship to introversion and extraversion. Also, something I’d eaten had given me terrible gas, and farting among other people is embarrassing. The path was lined with maples and aspens, with purple Dutch clover, meadow buttercups, ferns, and tufted vetch everywhere. And lupine, of course. Almost all of those species aren’t native to North America, but they’ve naturalized here, and they’re all over. I heard song sparrows, and Merlin told me that another song belonged to a northern paruta, a species I’d never heard of and still haven’t seen.

It started raining lightly. I thought it might be condensation from the fog dripping off the trees, but as the drops got heavier, I decided to put on my rain jacket. Immediately the rain stopped.

I decided that, since I was alone, I would do one of the guided meditations on the app I downloaded to my phone—one that reliably makes me cry. (Reader, once again, it did.) I sat on a bench to eat lunch, and the rest of the group caught up to me. When I had finished, I walked with others for a while, before I pulled ahead and was alone again.

I began to feel uneasy. The directions we were given this morning mentioned a cemetery and a yellow church. I didn’t see either. Was I supposed to turn off the path? Had I missed something important? Without a companion, I had nobody to confer with. Google Maps filled in the gap. The church was behind me, but the trail still led to Upper Tantallon. I wasn’t lost. I couldn’t get lost as long as I was on the trail. Then I thought about my walk in the Haldimand Tract, and how I constantly got lost on footpaths there. A rail trail is different, I told myself. It isn’t going to just disappear in the trees. Is it?

I caught up to Dawn—I wasn’t at the head of the line after all—and we compared notes on our Camino experiences, ten years apart. As we chatted, I realized I need both solitude and community. Both are important; both are valid. The question for all of us, perhaps, is to find a balance. That’s the task ahead of me.

(Thanks to Julianna at Otis and Clementine’s for letting me stay so long past closing time writing this post.)

South Shore Camino, Day Three: Chester to Hubbards

As we left Chester, we passed St. Augustine’s Roman Catholic Church. How fitting that today’s journey began by evoking that saint, famous for saying—if in fact he he did say it—solvitur ambulando, “it is solved by walking.” Walking, apparently, fixes problems, although as Tanis MacDonald argues in Straggle: Adventures in Walking While Female, everything depends on what needs to be solved and who needs to solve it. What problem am I trying to solve? So far, it’s the question of what community means, especially the community that forms when a group of strangers goes on a long walk together.

The drizzle at the beginning of today’s walk pleased the slugs on the path. After an hour or so, I decided that the rain was heavy enough to put on my rain jacket. It immediately stopped.

Much of the land we travelled through was boggy, with lots of Labrador tea in bloom in the peat bogs, along with more purple pitcher plants. Don, my walking companion, found some wild strawberries and ate a couple, leaving lots for the squirrels and chipmunks. My plant identification app told me we were passing rhodia and sweetfern, which were new to me. Oak seedlings grew beside the path, and I wondered if they would eventually tower over the birches next to them. The ground under the trees was carpeted in blueberries. When they ripen, will cyclists and pedestrians share the trail with bears?

We talked about walking, our jobs, our health. Don is a minister at a rural church in Nova Scotia, a second career after working in the corporate sector. As we chatted, I thought about how much commonality is needed to create community. Are there degrees of community? Is there a spectrum of connection? Probably. Sociologists distinguish between strong and weak ties—relationships of greater and lesser emotional depth and intimacy. The apparent binary of strong and weak is likely an oversimplification; like almost everything else, there must be a range of possibilities. Robert Waldinger, the director of the Harvard Study on Human Development, tells us that the key factor in a happy life is the quality of our relationships. It’s a bit like the movie Moneyball: that one variable tells a person’s entire story. I’m not sure whether Waldinger focuses primarily on strong ties, though, or if he sees weak ones as also important.

What kind of tie forms during a pilgrimage? Does communitas lend itself to acquaintances or deeper friendships? Perhaps both are possibilities. That’s been my experience. As Don and I trudged along, we talked about the complexity of Christian theology and the fact that many of its tenets are based in mistranslations or other confusions. My friends Matthew and Sara tell me similar things. Letters that are attributed to Paul, for instance, were actually written by someone else. The simple Bible story I was taught as a child, its certainty and sharp edges, bleached all of the nuance and difficulty out of those ancient texts. When understood in their historical context, that stark clarity evaporates. “How do you convey that idea to a congregation looking for certainty?” I asked. “Gently,” he answered.

I told Don stories about my Baptist childhood—answering an altar call when I was nine in hopes of bringing an interminable service to a close so that everyone could go home for lunch (spoiler alert: that didn’t work, at least not for me)—and he told similar stories about evangelicals driving curious people away from faith with their dogmatism. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one, but I doubt my perspective will change. The closest I can get to a belief in immortality is through Primo Levi’s essay on carbon: that element perseveres after we die, and is taken up by other creatures as part of their bodies until, when they die, it’s released into circulation again. That’s cold comfort to folks who have trouble with the idea of their nonexistence, I know, but it’s enough for me.

Different people have different ways of seeing things, of course, and when Don explained that he’s been colourblind since birth, he gave me a clear example of that. He sees reds as what I would call dark green or black, and greens as what I perceive as gold. He showed me an app on his phone that renders the world in the tones he sees. Everything is autumnal, all the trees and flowers and grasses a burnished orange-yellow. What I call red or green means nothing to him. “Can you imagine a colour you’ve never seen?” he asked. No—that’s impossible. Let’s show each other some grace, then, some compassion, I thought, since we might be unable to see the world differently than we do. Except Nazis, of course. I’m not falling into the paradox of tolerance, making space for people who aggressively refuse to extend that tolerance to others. Of course, tolerance is a pretty low bar. Acceptance, even love, are what’s required. But if tolerance is the best we can do, then okay.

I’m writing these words in the early morning darkness of the sanctuary in the Anglican church in Hubbards, where I slept on the floor between two pews last night. I didn’t sleep well last night, either. The snoring the night before was an ear splitting cacophony, but it was the cold that kept me awake. I decided to follow my friend Geoff’s example and carry only a sleeping bag liner, and even wearing all my clothes, it was too cold. My thin sleeping pad didn’t help. I had no space in my bag for anything more luxurious, and if this walk continued for two or three weeks, I’d get used to it. I did sleep a little better last night, because this church is warmer and the snoring slightly muffled. It’s six o’clock now, and coffee is probably being made in the downstairs kitchen. I think I’ll try to find a cup.

South Shore Camino, Day Two: Mahone Bay to Chester

Today’s walk was somewhat longer than I expected, but every minute was remarkable. The weather—coolish, mostly overcast—was ideal for a 20-mile amble along a rail trail. It was so chilly during the first couple of hours that my hands were cold and my nose was running, but I prefer that to heat exhaustion. Like yesterday, we walked through thick second- or third-growth forest. The pines and maples met over the path, as if we were walking through a tunnel of chlorophyll. Unlike yesterday, we saw multiple deer and turtles, and unusual plants—or at least plants that are unusual for me, since most of what I know is native to southern Saskatchewan: northern starflower, purple pitcher plant, cotton grass—the latter two in a spongy peat bog next to path. I saw some tall lungwort, too, which I haven’t seen since the last time I was in Prince Albert National Park.

We saw more art, too, including what looked like an accidental collaboration between a tree and part of an old stove.

My phone told me that these white flowers are Allegheny blackberry; then it lost its confidence and would only claim they were dicots. If that’s an example of generative AI expressing humility, it’s a good thing.

I heard so many birds, including my favourite, a Swainson’s thrush. There were hermit thrushes, ovenbirds, a variety of warblers and vireos, and of course red-winged blackbirds and bold, insistent robins.

Someone asked what my forthcoming book is about, and as I stumbled through an attempt at a summary, I realized again that I need to come up with a short, clever, thoughtful description of it, and quickly. I’m sure the marketing people at the press would appreciate it.

The team put out stickers for us this morning. I took one that reminds me to stay positive, and stuck it on my notebook. Once again I enjoyed the companionship of the other pilgrims. They’re all people with a deep religious faith, it seems, and I wondered how much my inability to believe in much, a product of my Baptist childhood, in which I learned that religion was performative and narrow, its words mostly unmatched by deeds, leaves me on the periphery here. I thought about Casey Plett’s book, and the complexity of her consideration of community, and about how I accept Indigenous expressions of spirituality—smudging as a form of prayer, for instance—whereas I struggle with the faith tradition in which I was raised. That’s fine—I’m not mourning what I don’t have—but I wonder how such fundamental differences affect the community can develop, and how much similarity, or even uniformity, is required for community to form.

Of course, our commonality is the experience of this walk—not just our footsteps, but eating together, talking, being kept awake by each other’s snoring.

About halfway through the walk, I stopped at a convenience store. I knew we were going to cross the territory of Acadia First Nation—although all the land here is Indigenous, really—and I asked the fellow behind the counter if we were on Acadia First Nation. “Yes, we are,” he answered. “Thanks for asking.” I’m still wondering how to interpret that response. Was he reacting to the thread of acknowledgment in that question? I’m not sure.

I asked him how to say “hello” in Mi’kmaq. He didn’t know—not a surprise, given what colonialism has tried to do to Indigenous languages—but he did teach me how to say “thank you”: wela’lin. Wela’lin for this day, for this opportunity, then. Wela’lin.

South Shore Camino, Day One: Lunenburg to Mahone Bay

Lunenburg is so pretty, but so is Mahone Bay: colourful frame buildings, bright sky, sunlight on the harbour. Lunenburg has the Bluenose II and other tall ships, and excellent falafel. Mahone Bay might have falafel, too, but I’ll never know, because we’re all eating together tonight at the United Church, where we’re staying.

We left the United Church in Lunenburg about 1:30 this afternoon. There are 14 of us, plus half a dozen students from the Atlantic School of Theology who are getting credit for a graduate course on leadership and pilgrimage by acting as guides for this walk. We spent the next three hours or so walking along a rail trail, passing through thick second- or third-growth forest, with blue flag iris in bloom where there’s standing water beside the path. I saw a pair of pink lady’s-slippers, too, shy blossoms among spruce seedlings.

I came here to walk with other people, to experience what the anthropologists Victor and Edith Turner, in their study of pilgrimage, called “communitas.” That’s the temporary community that forms among people engaged in a pilgrimage, outside their typical routines, in what the Turners described as a “liminal” space, between one place and another. On the road, somewhere, neither here nor there, connections form, however temporary, between participants in the ritual of pilgrimage, however attenuated that ritual is in the 20th century. The organizers of this walk are doing their best to create a sense of ritual, but as a person without any kind of religious faith, for me the ritual is the steady beat of my footsteps—especially when I’m hearing the footsteps of my companions. That’s what I came for; that’s what I’m getting.

The conversations on the trail were rich: work and its meaning; footwear and foot care; the plants we were looking at, especially the ones nobody recognized. I spend too much time alone, and walking with the others, words tumbled out of me. Am I talking too much, I wondered, engaged in a monologue instead of a dialogue, overwhelmed by the feeling of walking with others, of community? I thought of Marianne, the friend I walked with in Spain almost 12 years ago, and the way she sometimes asked that we walk in silence.

Towards the end of today’s walk, I found myself reflecting on the connections between community and conversation, between community and silence. I listened to the crunch of my steps, birds, distant traffic. The toad into Mahone Bay was paved, narrow, quiet. I walked into the town, alone, listening to the sweet music of a hermit thrush. Far ahead of me, the sight of a pair of pilgrims provided reassurance that I had taken the right path.